Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Why The World Will Not End In 2012

OK I know I know that the Mayan calendar said it all stopped in 2012, and that Nostradamus (sort of) agrees with that but they are wrong and here is why.

Both were working with a limited planetary movement model that stopped at the precise moment when the rising sun would intersect the exact midpoint of the MilkyWay galaxy, the exact mid point of our galaxy.

Heres what this B.I.T.C.H. predicts for the future:

2008: Tim LaHaye of the "Your-Unbelieving-Ass-Just-Got-LEFT-BEHIND' fame starts a new series called: The Time of the End of Time. The christian community goes ape and LaHaye makes 7 trillion dollars. He and Beverly then buy John Edwards' house and turn it into a home for unwed mothers.

2009: Gary North, Karen & Steve Anderson & Bruce Tippery start their new websites on 'The End of Time for Women'. This will teach women how to protect their families when the world as we know it ends. Hopefully there will be some sort of instruction on how to deal with being dead or incenerated or radiated or whatever is going to happen to us. Gary North builds a rocket and tries to get to another solar system. North kidnaps Steven Hawking thinking that he has the star map to a safe galaxy.

2010: Only two years left. A new incarnation of the last Mayan High Priest is recognized (my vote is for Steven Seagal, shit that could be believable!) Animal sacrifice is reinstituted at MachuPichu in Mexico to appease the sky god. PETA goes into apoplexy, rescues the remaining animals and Steven Seagal calls down the wrath of the sky god on mankind. (stock market up 30% in one day). The christian right is having a fit since the temple has not been restored in Israel and the animal sacrifices restored 'there'. Tim LaHaye leads an End Times Team into Israel to take over the temple mount and as a result of his actions is sentenced to wear a burkha and be chained to a large sow for the rest of his life.

2011: Y2K here we come only now its Y2K12. There is mass panic in the markets as people quit their jobs, drop out of school and hide in the mountains and caves. Sattelite broadband companies and radio make a fortune. Stocks drop like falling rock on a California hillside and are scooped up by a few people (mostly athiest or not really christians **).

2012: Well the world did not end. The losers that quit their jobs and ran for it look like fools (North, Andersons and Tippery???) again (see Y2K), the traders and investors that bought all of the stocks dirt cheap now control 90% of the wealth in the USA and the evangelical right looks like the village idiot AGAIN!!!! The internet, sattelite radio and broadband are controlled by one global investment company headed by a woman. . the NYSE, NASDAQ, Chicago Merc and all of the Foreign Stock Exchanges are controlled by the daughter of the owner of all the internet and communication stuff.

Looks like the girls win after all. Now THAT folks is a happy ending.


Anonymous said...

cool blog! i hate to say this but Machu Pichu is in Peru not Mexico. but your blog makes me laugh. keep writting.

AOB said...

Yes you are so right....I stand corrected....thats not a very central location for sacrifices, is it? ;)